Never Doubt That I Love You
by imSiriuslyLupin4you
Summary: My version of how Remus and Sirius got together. 'M' for attempted suicide, cussing, angst and slash. Lily's POV. Happy Halloween by the way.


**(This is my version of how Sirius Black and Remus Lupin got together. Unfortunately it is not the happiest fic. Contains attempted suicide, angst, and Sirius yelling at Remus. All in all, a very angsty fic. This is told from Lily's POV. Rated 'M' for swearing, attempted suicide, and slash. I own nothing recognizable so don't sue me.)**

Silver. What an awful thing. How can something so beautiful be so _evil_? How can it slit wrists with it as a knife and then turn into light and turn wonderful, sweet people into monsters? I hated it. I hated everything silver represented. I hated how people valued it as money. I hated how it represented beauty in jewelry. It was awful.

Last night, after dinner I had fallen asleep while doing my homework in the Common room, and had woken up to screams coming from the boy's Dormitories. I had run to see what was going on. When I entered the Dormitories two black haired boys and one blonde chubby one were surrounding a fourth. Remus Lupin was hunched over and vomiting blood. The red substance was gushing from long, deep, gashes in his wrists and a silver bloodstained knife was lying at his side.

I had read somewhere that silver wouldn't affect werewolves if they're just wearing it or using it as an eating utensil, but once it broke skin, it could be fatal.

Remus John Lupin, Prefect, Marauder, werewolf, and friend, had tried to kill himself.

I felt tears run down my cheeks as I stared at one of my closest friends laying on a bed that looked too big for his body. He noticed.

"Don't cry, Lily. I'm not worth your tears…"

Remus' face was a sickening ashy grey color; underneath the ashy hue he looked faintly green. I could see metallic blue veins running underneath his face and neck. Huge purplish bags hung underneath his red swollen eyes and his lips were white. He looked as if he were already dead and decomposing, even though his hazel eyes were wide open and miserable.

"You are worth them." I muttered, but I wiped my eyes on my sleeve never less. Potter's hand searched for mine and squeezed, searching for reassurance. Now was not the right time to push him away. I squeezed back.

Remus shook his head. "I'm not." Before I could open my mouth to argue, Remus looked past me to Potter. "Where… where's Sirius?"

"Dunno. Pete's gone to find him." Potter attempted to smile in consolation, but it was too tight, and his eyes were dull. I loved him for trying.

Just then the doors to the Hospital Wing swung open and Peter came walking in, followed by Black.

Black glared when he saw me. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Remus is my friend too, Black." I said quietly.

Black chose to ignore me. "Are you alright?" Black demanded, staring at Remus. He nodded.

"Poppy says that I'll be fine, and there's no need to go to St. Mungo's."

"Are you _sure_ you're alright?" Black asked forcefully. Remus nodded again. "Good."

The sudden loud slap of flesh hitting flesh echoed across the nearly empty Hospital Wing. Black had backhanded Remus across the face, causing Remus to tumble out of the bed and fall painfully on the hard floor.

"BLACK!" I screamed, and whipped my wand out, pointing it at him.

"Don't you point that fucking twig at me, you fucking little Mudblood." Black snarled, pointing his own wand at me.

"Don't call her that!" Potter turned his wand on Black too.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Black screamed, looking deranged. He bent over Remus and lifted him up by his pajama collar to eye level. Remus' feet dangled about four inches off the ground. "WHAT THE _FUCK_ WERE YOU THINKING?"

Black shook Remus and I could swear I heard rattling.

"S-Siri, I-"

"WELL?"

"I-I don't kn-know, I-"

"YOU DON'T KNOW? YOU DON'T FUCKING _KNOW_? YOU SLIT YOUR OWN FUCKING WRISTS WITH A FUCKING _SILVER KNIFE, _AND YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW _WHY_?"

"Black! Sirius! Put him down! Please!" I begged. My whole body was wracked with sobs. "Please… please, put him down…"

Black flung Remus down onto the bed. Remus struggled for breath, and he started to cough. Crimson flecks appeared on the snow-white linen of the bed covers.

"Why?" Black turned his back on the werewolf. "Why did you do it?"

"P-Padfoot… I…"

"ANSWER ME!"

"I... I didn't want to do it anymore…"

Black spun around to face Remus. "Do what?"

"Live."

"Why the _fuck_ not?"

Remus curled into a tight ball on the bed and wrapped his arms around himself. "It's too hard." He closed his eyes pathetically.

"No one _ever_ said that life was _easy_." Black hissed. "No one _ever_ said that life was _fair_."

"You don't understand-"

"'_I _don't_ understand_?MY PARENTS DISOWNED ME! MY ENTIRE FAMILY WANTS ME _DEAD__!_"

"You're not a werewolf." Remus mumbled.

"SO? I'd rather be you than me. _Your_ family fucking _loves_ you. Mine _hate _me."

"Do you know what McGonagall said to me at career day?" Remus whispered. I cringed knowing what was coming. I was the one who had held Remus all night while he cried from the Deputy Headmistresses harsh words. "She said that it would be almost impossible for me to find a decent paying, _moral_ job. She said that I might as well hand in my wand and live as a muggle, even though I'm top of the class."

"So you decided to kill yourself." It wasn't a question.

"You don't-"

"Remus John Lupin, if you tell me that I don't understand one more time, I am going to pour salt on all of your wounds next full moon." Black glared at Remus. "There's something else. People have told you before that you're doomed to a life of poverty, and it's never brought you down like this. What else is wrong?"

Remus flinched. "Sirius, I don't-"

"You fucking werewolf, you'd better tell me what the fuck else."

Remus' bottom lip trembled. "I'm in love." He whispered.

I felt my heart clench. I knew whom Remus loved of course. He loved Sirius Orion Black, and as much as I hated to admit it, Black could never love him back. His heart was as black as his family's name. It hurt so much to watch Remus pine and long for someone who was physically incapable of loving him back.

Black laughed cruelly. "Oh yeah, I forgot. Being in love's a great reason to try to commit suicide."

Black's harsh words made Remus wince.

"So who is it?" Black demanded.

"I can't tell you." Remus mumbled.

"Tell me, Lupin."

"I- no."

"TELL ME!"

"IT'S YOU!" Remus screamed. "It's _you_ Sirius, and I know you'll never love me back! And I just couldn't deal with it! I just couldn't handle seeing you with that Brooks girl. And I just wanted the pain to just fucking _end _already."

The silence in the room was excruciating. I could hear every step Black took towards Remus' bed.

"I know you must hate me right now." Remus whispered. "And I don't blame you if you do." He laughed without humor. "I hate me too."

"_Don't_." Black snarled. "Don't you _ever_ hate yourself. And never," Black growled like a dog, "_never_ doubt that I love you."

Black grabbed Remus by his shoulders and dragged him into a rough kiss. I gasped. I could see blood on Remus' lips from Black's sharp teeth, and Black was gripping Remus so tightly that I could tell that there would be painful bruises on his arms the next day, but I had never seen a kiss so full of love then the one I was witnessing right then.

"It's about time." Potter grunted, and then smiled. "C'mon Wormy, Evans. Lets leave these two lovesick Mutts alone and get some lunch. I'm starved."

Potter, Peter, and I made our way out the doors leaving the two furiously boys alone in the Hospital Wing.

"I'm glad their finally together." Peter said once we were all in the Great Hall. "They're good for each other. Moony can teach Pads how to love others, and Pads can teach Moony how to love himself."

"Wormtail, my dear friend, you have never before said anything more profound." Potter clapped Peter on his back, and Peter, who had started to drink some pumpkin juice, choked.

I, for once in my life, agreed with Potter.

**(Well I'm done. Hope you enjoyed it! I know I did. Please review me. I'll reply to every single one! I promise. (sortofnotreally)**

**Just incase you're interested I have put up the third chapter of '**_**The Life and Lies of Sirius Black' **_**(Shameless advertising I know) and it would be awesome if you could check out some of my other fics. Toodles.)**

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN!**


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